How to Balance Mary and Martha

At the Home of Martha and Mary

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

Luke 10:38-42

I have had trouble with balance my entire life. My tendency is to be a Martha. I am most certainly a doer. I feel a certain pressure to get things done and clear my to-do list which never actually seems to end. It's as though I've believed that once my to-do list is cleared, I'll be able to breathe and take a break but not before then. I have finally reached a point in my life where I am realizing for the first time that it's impossible to clear my to-do list. There will always be more to do.

So, now I'm faced with a choice. Do I keep "doing" or do I take a break even though I have a million-and-one things needing my time and attention? In the past, I can tell you my answer would always be, "keep working and knock it out." It's for this reason that I believe God has planted this passage about Mary and Martha in my heart and keeps reminding me of it constantly. I have an affinity with Martha. I understand her. Jesus is in her home; her Savior is a guest in her home and she wants to be a good host. She wants to take care of Him and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem, though, is that she is missing out on simply being with Him.

Isn't that true of our lives even today? We want to take care of all our loved ones. We want to take care of our children, husbands, parents, extended family and friends often at the expense of our own health and well-being. And honestly, that kind of selflessness and love that women are capable of is a beautiful thing that I'm sure God is pleased with. But, we're so focused on taking care of everyone and everything that we often miss being with God in our day to day lives. How many opportunities do we miss when God is right there in our midst wanting to connect with us but we're just too busy? How many times have we missed God trying to speak to us because our lives are just too noisy?

God has called us to work. We were made to work. When He created Adam and Eve, they were to take care of the land and every living thing. Genesis 1:26 says "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.'"

But, God also knows the value of rest. In Exodus 20:8-10 God said, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God."

So back to the question: How do we balance being a Mary and a Martha in our lives?

1 | We need to have a routine.

The Benedictine Rule states that we should have time for prayer, work, and leisure every day. Back in 530 AD, when the Benedictine Rule was written, access to books was limited. Monks had the privilege of reading and learning as part of the monastic life. Therefore, when Saint Benedict talked about making time for leisure, he meant time to read and study. While there is value in leisure in the way we perceive of it today, I believe there is also value in the way Saint Benedict perceived of it. Education truly is a privilege even today. I believe that we should continue to learn and grow as a person as long we live. The Benedictine Rule was created for monks but the idea is that we make time for all the most important things in life. A routine should include prayer, work, leisure, study, and relationships; everyone in the household should have a well-rounded routine.

Creating a routine can be really challenging. We have to play with it until we finally find a routine that works for us. I like using a Bullet Journal to help me plan and stick to a routine. I write down my ideal routine and create a system for tracking how often I am able to accomplish each task. My ideal routine includes prayer, meditation, cleaning the house, self-care, work, eating, cooking, exercise, reading and down time to spend on a hobby or hanging out with my husband, family or friends. I've tweaked my routine twice already because I found it difficult to stick to. If it is too difficult, I've realized that either it shouldn't be in my routine or I haven't found the right time for that particular task. Don't be discouraged if your routine takes a little bit of time to get used to. The important thing is creating a routine. With time, you'll discover a routine that you and your family can stick to and enjoy living a balanced life.

2 | We need to be people of integrity.

I don't mean integrity in the way we think of it today. What I mean by "be a person of integrity" is "be one with your word." Do what you say you will do. You can read more about this idea of integrity and the Harvard study that produced it in my post: 5 Steps to a More Balanced Life. Without integrity, having a routine won't do any good. But, it sure is hard. This is something that I have to work diligently at. I know I can't be the only one to find myself eating ice cream on the couch instead of going to my yoga class like I said I would. Or worse, find myself watch the time slip away and skip lunch because I'm simply too involved in my work. When I do either of those things, I am out of integrity because I say that eating well and exercise is important to me. Being out of integrity is something that we've become numb to. It just doesn't really affect us anymore. But, when we start to see how prevalent of an issue this is and when we decide that we will place value in being one with our word, things begin to change. It's still hard, but it does get easier and it becomes harder to just sweep it under the rug. Simply being "a person of integrity" has the power to change our lives. We just have to do it.

Let's keep working on being one with our word and share this journey to find balance together. Please comment and let me know how this goes for you. I'd love to hear how creating a routine has impacted your daily life.

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